oh, dear lord

are you kidding me with this pat robertson shit? it doesn't end with this guy. now god told him that there is going to be another terrorist attack in the US and guess what-- a lot of people will die. really, pat? in an act of terrorism, you are going to go so far as to say that people will die!?!? this guy MUST have it right from the source of the man.

does this kind of BS really get more folks "on fire for christ"? do people hear him say that and then, when a terrorist attack occurs, fall down in utter awe of the power of the holy translator? do people convert to his brand of christianity because of something like this? this being the same man who tells people that they will be cured of terminal diseases or little boo-boos if they only touch the television screen while he is praying. and if you aren't healed??? well, too bad, loser, your faith wasn't strong enough! do people believe that god has spoken to pat robertson? again? do not most people hear this news and think, yeah, good guess patty. that probably will happen. international barometer seems ripe for it...

what a fucking idiot.

but of course i would think that. i'm a lesbian and god doesn't talk to lesbians, he just destroys entire metropolitan areas and miles of coastland to teach us a lesson. sorry, god. i'll try to behave, please don't let the 2007 terrorist attack happen at the walmart near me...

not on my best behavior

i was scheduled to fly to AZ to see the 'rents on december 21. i went to the airport on said day and much to my surprise (and temporary delight) an offer of 600 dollars in travel vouchers was made to anyone who was willing to re-book for a later flight so that delta could fly some pilots to their desired and probably required locations. colloquially... i volunteered to be "bumped".

fast forward... go home, go to bar to watch vikings game, go back home, go back to airport the following day....

now let me be perfectly clear, in the interest of supporting an understanding and compassionate response from my reader: i booked a flight for the following day before i left the airport, was given new itineraries and words like "guaranteed" and "confirmed" were used. copiously.

back at the airport... first of all my name got "randomly" selected (which means that as i handed my boarding pass to the man who welcomes passengers to the friendly security station he looked at me, looked at my boarding pass, looked back at me, took out his little stamper and stamped an obnoxious red star on the top of my boarding pass. i think he randomly decided i was the person who appeared 'most likely to be a terrorist') for a full suspicious inspection. there is a reason they make you stand with your arms out to your sides--crucifixion-style. that only took about 25 minutes while the young woman (uncomfortably) performing the search was being trained by the less-friendly older woman. so after standing with my arms spread and my belt unbuckled and dangling while a woman i have never met patted my inner thighs, i gladly took my seat in the waiting area for gate 1. soon the request came again.... "we are looking for volunteers to take a later flight... blah blah blah." a male voice behind me says to a person sitting near him "oh, don't get involved in all that! once you start, it's a mess." pfft... i thought... he doesn't know what he is talking about... here i am after taking that offer... 600 delta dollars richer and confirmed on this flight. i began to feel slightly uncomfortable and less confirmed as we all waited for someone to accept the offer. no one did. i had that feeling i get when i know that something distasteful is going to happen. a few minutes later... "passengers Bell and [my last name] please report to the gate counter.

as i sauntered up to the counter trying desperately to force a neutral attitude: "yes?"
"if we have to hold someone back from this flight, i am going to have to have you take a later flight."
--this is the part where i become embarrassingly immature and say some swear words that need not be repeated at this time--
"i'm sorry, there is a weight issue. there is nothing i can do about it."
--more unneeded nastiness, including things like, "but i am here because i did that yesterday! this is so (messed?) up!!"

the situation continues for several minutes... i call the fam to report the problem. swear some more. worry that i am never going to make it to AZ. request that my luggage be pulled off the plane if i am not going to be on it (a request i would later come to regret)...

after a while the man who has become my newest nemesis approaches me and says "i can get you on the plane, but i won't be able to put your luggage on." a reversal of my initial problem, but a problem no less... after already having abused the man who had no power to change the situation, i thought it best to say as little as possible. "whatever."

as i boarded the plane and found my seat, i couldn't help but ponder a simple mathematical quandry...
i weigh 130 pounds.
my luggage weighed approximately 50 pounds.
no one required that i step on a scale to make the cut.

what if i had weighed 180 pounds? would i have ever made it to AZ? or is this "weight issue" just a bunch of BS? a loose approximation? another method of holiday travel torment?

i don't know. but it just doesn't make any sense to me. if i hadn't already been a total ass to the man, i may have inquired. but i don't think he liked me very much and would not have been interested in my further inquisition. but i do still want to know what would have happened.