jobhunt

in addition to all of the professions i have already identified as "those in which i would have excelled": detective, professor, painter, sky-diver, surgeon, kindergarten teacher, etc., i have discovered a few more. these are the other jobs that i probably should have had, because i would definitely rock at them.

-cake decorator
-interior designer
-recreational therapist
-professional fisherperson
-matchmaker
-cheese-taster
-costuming specialist
-political pundit
-stunt double
-fake shopper
-explorer
-editor
-firefighter

there are also some career paths which i have rightly avoided.

-porn star
-plastic surgeon
-entomologist
-rescue diver
-farmer
-bowler
-rug cleaner
-exterminator (not to be confused with Terminator, which i would be good at, but wouldn't want to be anyway)
-supermodel
-meat inspector
-novelist
-dictator
-large game hunter
-surfer

i mention this substantial list in order to make it perfectly clear that my narcissism is not so severe as to have affected my perception of reality. i know my limits. this is not 8th grade life skills class, i am fully aware that i can't necessarily be ANYTHING i want to be.

speaking of life skills class, perhaps it was my failure to believe that bullshit in life skills class that began my decline. i knew those bastards were telling me some serious untruths. and in protest, i clearly stopped listening to anything they had to say. as a result, i am 30 years old and have virtually no life skills whatsoever. i live my life like a 19th century italian immigrant, stashing all of my money under the mattress and hoping it lasts until the next time someone is foolish enough to pay me for something. i don't even have metal or wood shop skills to speak of, because even though the shop teachers in 8th grade weren't as false and misleading as the life skills teachers, they got little to no genuine attention from me because they were mean. i apparently had a tiny window of availability as a young teen: if one was too nice and showed nothing but sugar-coated support, clearly worried that too much pressure might cause lifelong scarring of their fragile teens, i didn't want anything to do with them. however, if an adult was just in education so he would be given a room full of children to lord over with his dictatorial math book or t-square, i was irritated by their obvious miscalculation during career counseling day at their high school. and for today, i am going to blame those same miscalculators for my own professional misfires. bad role-modeling. perhaps i could have been anything i wanted to be, but with no life skills and no labor skills i am left to write (skill-less-ly) about 30 years of doing not very much of anything.