one of these things is just like the other
i have been away from my blog for awhile, and i really miss it. unfortunately, my daily propensity to return to the dashboard is not even remotely matched by daily material generation. so i stay away. it got a litle ridiculous for a couple of weeks...writing about discarded couches and deep desires to dig through trash heaps. that was all a bit unnecessary, i know. the other reason i have been away (besides working 12 hour days and trying to stay active in my gym) is that i recently had a very strange experience that has kept my mind preoccupied, leaving no room for other observations or creations.
i walked into work about 3 weeks ago and 4 different people told me that they thought i was in the local paper yesterday. "yeah! this picture in the paper looks just like you!" i don't buy it. i have never seen a person in my life who looks anything like me. the colleagues insist so i become intrigued. now i want to see the paper. in the meantime, others enter the office and say, "did you see that picture in the paper yesterday?"
i tracked down a copy of the previous day's local newspaper, and began shuffling through it. i found what i thought they are talking about and initially thought to myself, "what are these weirdos talking about. she looks nothing like me!"
i begin to make my case back in the office and it becomes very clear that no one shares my opinion. "that could be a picture of you!" i concede a little. okay, the forehead and eyes look kind of like mine. setting the photo aside, i attempt to go on with my day. but every person who enters the office and sees the photo says something like "i wondered if you had seen that." i glance back at the photo from a bit of a distance and suddenly the familiarity of this stranger's face is alarming. i did feel as though i was looking at a picture of myself. the dramatically different hair color and cut had deceived me. the similarity was indeed such that it can only be categorized as uncanny.
is my reader wondering why the hell this is a significant enough event to stop all other thought and invention for 3 weeks?
one of the most unique features of being the object of a closed adoption, and one that many non-adoptees don't often consider, is that we go through our lives never having the experience of "looking like" someone. most of us know that our families love us and want us and care about us, blah blah blah...and that adoption agencies (in the 1970's) tried to match families based on national heritage so that adopted kids would "fit". but the experience of seeing the shape of one's own nose or chin or eyes revealed on another person's face is one that eludes us. in 30 years, no one has resembled me in any visually recognizable way. one of my favorite games to play as an adult, is "that's my mom!" when we travel through the city in which i was born, jan and i pretend to look for people who look like me and shout out "THERE'S YOUR/MY MOM!" it's a fun game, but it hasn't exactly led to any spontaneous reunions. probably because the game is funniest when we find people who look exactly NOT like me...anyway, i digress.
opening the local paper in a relatively small community to find a photo of a person who could be my twin sister (except that she is quite a bit younger than i am) has been an experience that i haven't been able to shake. i am trying to remain reasonable about it, but the many friends and family around me who are convinced that this IS, in fact, my sister are not making it easy. friends, colleagues, family... many people are already starting to write the screenplay for the (made-for-tv) movie about the random bio-family reunion that results from a newspaper photo. others are plotting ways to make contact with this woman in a way that won't frighten her. some have claimed that if they weren't worried about freaking me out they would have just called her and asked her some general background questions. most are speaking of her as my sister and contemplating the possibilities... maybe she doesn't even know about you...maybe you have the same dad, but your moms don't know each other...
i don't know what to make of it all. and i don't know where it is going from here. i just know that moving on and filing it under the "that was weird" category of the past is not an option. someone i know is going to track her down and then i will have to work out whatever happens next. i have no idea what i want that to be.
i walked into work about 3 weeks ago and 4 different people told me that they thought i was in the local paper yesterday. "yeah! this picture in the paper looks just like you!" i don't buy it. i have never seen a person in my life who looks anything like me. the colleagues insist so i become intrigued. now i want to see the paper. in the meantime, others enter the office and say, "did you see that picture in the paper yesterday?"
i tracked down a copy of the previous day's local newspaper, and began shuffling through it. i found what i thought they are talking about and initially thought to myself, "what are these weirdos talking about. she looks nothing like me!"
i begin to make my case back in the office and it becomes very clear that no one shares my opinion. "that could be a picture of you!" i concede a little. okay, the forehead and eyes look kind of like mine. setting the photo aside, i attempt to go on with my day. but every person who enters the office and sees the photo says something like "i wondered if you had seen that." i glance back at the photo from a bit of a distance and suddenly the familiarity of this stranger's face is alarming. i did feel as though i was looking at a picture of myself. the dramatically different hair color and cut had deceived me. the similarity was indeed such that it can only be categorized as uncanny.
is my reader wondering why the hell this is a significant enough event to stop all other thought and invention for 3 weeks?
one of the most unique features of being the object of a closed adoption, and one that many non-adoptees don't often consider, is that we go through our lives never having the experience of "looking like" someone. most of us know that our families love us and want us and care about us, blah blah blah...and that adoption agencies (in the 1970's) tried to match families based on national heritage so that adopted kids would "fit". but the experience of seeing the shape of one's own nose or chin or eyes revealed on another person's face is one that eludes us. in 30 years, no one has resembled me in any visually recognizable way. one of my favorite games to play as an adult, is "that's my mom!" when we travel through the city in which i was born, jan and i pretend to look for people who look like me and shout out "THERE'S YOUR/MY MOM!" it's a fun game, but it hasn't exactly led to any spontaneous reunions. probably because the game is funniest when we find people who look exactly NOT like me...anyway, i digress.
opening the local paper in a relatively small community to find a photo of a person who could be my twin sister (except that she is quite a bit younger than i am) has been an experience that i haven't been able to shake. i am trying to remain reasonable about it, but the many friends and family around me who are convinced that this IS, in fact, my sister are not making it easy. friends, colleagues, family... many people are already starting to write the screenplay for the (made-for-tv) movie about the random bio-family reunion that results from a newspaper photo. others are plotting ways to make contact with this woman in a way that won't frighten her. some have claimed that if they weren't worried about freaking me out they would have just called her and asked her some general background questions. most are speaking of her as my sister and contemplating the possibilities... maybe she doesn't even know about you...maybe you have the same dad, but your moms don't know each other...
i don't know what to make of it all. and i don't know where it is going from here. i just know that moving on and filing it under the "that was weird" category of the past is not an option. someone i know is going to track her down and then i will have to work out whatever happens next. i have no idea what i want that to be.
posted by shelly at 3/23/2006 11:06:00 AM
1 Comments:
This is powerful, Shelly. I am curious to know what happens with this. You are right, non-adoptees do not consider that adoptees do not look like 'anyone'. You insight is, as always, enlightening on all subjects.
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