superior manly specimen

a man came into the coffee house today who was just plain wrong in every possible way. every possible way. first he looked like a man i know from the bar who is a complete asshole. second, he was wearing a bluetooth. my long time reader (sara) knows exactly how i feel about these fucking things. the only reason i know what it is called today is that i just got done reading post secret and there was a postcard about a bluetooth. anyway, he was wearing one and i had to hate him immediately for that. only a little, but i had to. next on the long list of wrongs for this individual was the fact that as he approached the counter i could smell the unmistakable assault of humidity sweat. he smelled a little like a humid sock. here's the kicker-- the reason i could smell his humidity-- he was wearing his shirt unbuttoned. all the way. just wide open. it was humid chest hair that i was smelling!!! oh my god sick! what the hell am i supposed to do about that? as if this list isn't long enough already, he was also extremely high maintenance and not apologetic about it. rude. that's what he was. rude and entitled and fucking stinky. i could tell that this guy for sure believes himself to be extremely important. then when he finally got away from the counter and sat down at a table, i could hear him on his cell phone. of course i could hear him, he's a cell phone shouter. number seven on the list. he was on the phone with someone that i am certain everyone in the coffee house was supposed to understand is his subordinate. the kind of person who, in this man's world, can simply be talked at and instructed without the hassle of give and take. i initially thought that he was leaving a voice mail message because he just kept talking then when he had to do a short rewind and repeat of one of his orders, presumably because the person on the other end of the conversation had the audacity to try to speak, i realized that he was actually talking to a living person.

i don't think he and i are going to be friends. he's the kind of guy who would kick pigeons.