springy

i've never been very good at spring. i think i started to notice this at age 12 when i was in track in junior high and everyone else was all excited that we could finally run outside and smell springy smells and dodge big mushy puddles. i didn't want to do those things. certainly i didn't want to run, outside or anywhere else, but it was more than that. everyone seemed to have something going on in their spirit/attitude/consciousness. everyone seemed so hopeful and delighted. i smelled mold and saw brown swampy puddles. i don't know why i don't have the spring thing, but i never did get it. i have some theories, but none of them are ready to be offered.
i don't hate spring, exactly. i just don't know how to find the excitement about it that everyone else seems to have. and i find it harder in the spring than any other time to drudge on through the web of worries that occasionally still tries to plague me. what is everyone so happy about? is it an excitement that marks the end of something good or the beginning of something hopefully good? are we happy that we made it this far or hopeful that this means we will make it further? i am so confused. maybe if i knew what i was supposed to be so springy about, i could try to join in. but for right now i have to take my allergy pills and dance around the large puddle of muck and gravel that is surrounding my car.