happy valentine's day

it went like this...

i am lying on the couch absorbed by an SVU re-run on TiVo when i lift my eyes to glance at the clock on the VCR. it is 12:07.
"honey!" i shout to the kitchen, assuming she is in there because the coffee mill is running and the dogs don't know how to turn it on.
"yeah?!" comes the human reply, as expected.
"happy valentine's day!"
"happy valentine's day."
"ok, can we be done with this holiday now?" i plead with the woman i know was already hoping for the same.
"definitely."
"so you won't be expecting any gifts or chocolate or flowers or any of that shit?"
"nope. but this means that you can't go out and buy stuff either!" replies the love of my life.
"i won't!"
"you always do! and then i feel stupid because i didn't."
"i promise. we said 'happy valentine's day' and now we are done. besides, i love you every day. not just today."
"i love you every day too."
"ok, it's a deal."
"no cards?"
"none. i promise." and i returned to olivia and elliot and munch and fin. she continued to grind. (the coffee.)

this is really how a lot of holidays go in our household. for three years in a row, we both forgot our anniversary until about 7 pm. we've only had 5 anniversaries. and honestly,. i don't recall whether or not we remembered the other two. it's possible we are 0/5. we love each other, but we aren't really all that interested in hallmark drama. the pressure is too great to do it just right and to make each year better than the last. it's hard enough for me to remember anything for more than 3 days, i could never recall what i did a year ago from today. one cannot handle the pressure to make sure that the best restaurant, the clearest communication, the tastiest chocolate and the best sex happens on one specific day of each year. or even 2 or 3 or 4 specific days for that matter. perhaps i could build one gigantic card at the beginning of the year and wish her a happy new year's valentine's day birthday anniversary halloween christmas and president's day all at once. but that would probably disappoint the folks at hallmark, so we just ignore it altogether. it works for us and we never have to deal with getting in trouble for forgetting. we both expect it and we both do it. and the "i love you every day" line keeps everything on the up and up.

**and for the record, the bullshit located at the top of this entry is all the reason i need to never participate in this holiday. how would one still look someone in the eyes after receiving such a stupid piece of shit.