thought fleet
as is standard for me, i have so many random things bouncing around in my head today. why not log on to blogger and share them with the cybersphere?... first of all i am trying to get in touch with just how significant it is to me that i am now credit card debt-free. free of it. free at last! i know that i rarely discuss things of any real significance here, so perhaps the profoundly debilitating effect of my long-standing debt problem has gone undetected by my reader. there is no need to get into the dreary details, of course, but suffice it to say i have had a bit of anxiety over the years with regard to this problem of credit and debt. and i trulyhonestlygenuinely did not believe it would ever go away. 8 months ago i "knew" that i would have this debt until the day that i die and that would probably be soon, as the physical effects of that kind of anxiety tend to impede life expectancy. today it is paid. in full. done, gone, fin. i am considering falling on my knees and thanking god for this miracle, but then, why should she get all the credit... i worked my ass off for this! besides, i am fairly certain god doesn't do a lot of meddling in financial affairs.
i was at a bar the other night with two co-workers and four of their friends. two women walked off the dance floor holding hands with each other and the stranger next to me leaned over and said to me: "i bet those two are lesbians. i guarantee it." now this was interesting to me because in my wise observation, i had them pegged as two straight girls who enjoyed the drunken excitement of physical closeness with an audience. i am usually right about these things and they are usually very obvious, but i must say that this duo was a bit ambiguous even to me, so i did acknowledge the possibility that they were in fact a couple. but i didn't say any of that... i actually said: "i bet i am too." he said "shut up." i said "i guarantee it." he stared at me for some signal that would indicate to him why i was saying this. clearly it did not fit his initial perception. this led to a conversation about all of the women in the bar and i tried to explain to him that his notion of a "hot chick" is quite different from my idea of an attractive lesbian. because i did not appear to be distracted and obsessed with large-breasted barbie dolls, he had a great deal of difficulty wrapping his mind around this categorization. the conversation went on for a bit and finally came to an apparently unresolved conclusion when he said "i don't believe you." and i said "you don't believe that i am not attracted to all of these girly-girls?" and he said "i don't believe that you are a lesbian." how rude!?! why would i make that up? and why would i engage in some kind of impromptu evidentiary hearing? ok, don't believe me... what a dumb conversation. i guess i could have shown him my ring fingers and had him observe their impressive length by comparison to my index fingers.... but who has time to explain all that? my only lingering question is: do straight women lie and say they are gay if they're not? why would someone do this?
at some point i really do have to find a real job, huh? imagine how much more money i could save if i didn't have to pay for that damn health insurance that so far covers pretty much nothing at all. i hate shit like this. i need to move. and get a job. maybe i should get a job somewhere else and move there. two birds, as they say.... but i can't move because i just signed a damn lease. a smart move, keeps my rent the same, acknowledges that i am going to be here for a while and keeps me grounded so i don't make any (more) irrational decisions, like choose to pack it up and move without a penny or a plan. so i have the apartment for a considerable amount of time. now for a job.... what do i want to be when i grow up? i still kind of want to be a religion/philo professor, but i have to let that go. i also would like to continue in the mental health field and pursue something like adolescent counseling... but that seems far off.... what i really want to do when i grow up is be somebody's editor. i want to live in a world full of books. i want to read and correct things for a living. how the hell does one go about establishing a career in that world? anyone know? anyone? i sure as hell don't!
i was at a bar the other night with two co-workers and four of their friends. two women walked off the dance floor holding hands with each other and the stranger next to me leaned over and said to me: "i bet those two are lesbians. i guarantee it." now this was interesting to me because in my wise observation, i had them pegged as two straight girls who enjoyed the drunken excitement of physical closeness with an audience. i am usually right about these things and they are usually very obvious, but i must say that this duo was a bit ambiguous even to me, so i did acknowledge the possibility that they were in fact a couple. but i didn't say any of that... i actually said: "i bet i am too." he said "shut up." i said "i guarantee it." he stared at me for some signal that would indicate to him why i was saying this. clearly it did not fit his initial perception. this led to a conversation about all of the women in the bar and i tried to explain to him that his notion of a "hot chick" is quite different from my idea of an attractive lesbian. because i did not appear to be distracted and obsessed with large-breasted barbie dolls, he had a great deal of difficulty wrapping his mind around this categorization. the conversation went on for a bit and finally came to an apparently unresolved conclusion when he said "i don't believe you." and i said "you don't believe that i am not attracted to all of these girly-girls?" and he said "i don't believe that you are a lesbian." how rude!?! why would i make that up? and why would i engage in some kind of impromptu evidentiary hearing? ok, don't believe me... what a dumb conversation. i guess i could have shown him my ring fingers and had him observe their impressive length by comparison to my index fingers.... but who has time to explain all that? my only lingering question is: do straight women lie and say they are gay if they're not? why would someone do this?
at some point i really do have to find a real job, huh? imagine how much more money i could save if i didn't have to pay for that damn health insurance that so far covers pretty much nothing at all. i hate shit like this. i need to move. and get a job. maybe i should get a job somewhere else and move there. two birds, as they say.... but i can't move because i just signed a damn lease. a smart move, keeps my rent the same, acknowledges that i am going to be here for a while and keeps me grounded so i don't make any (more) irrational decisions, like choose to pack it up and move without a penny or a plan. so i have the apartment for a considerable amount of time. now for a job.... what do i want to be when i grow up? i still kind of want to be a religion/philo professor, but i have to let that go. i also would like to continue in the mental health field and pursue something like adolescent counseling... but that seems far off.... what i really want to do when i grow up is be somebody's editor. i want to live in a world full of books. i want to read and correct things for a living. how the hell does one go about establishing a career in that world? anyone know? anyone? i sure as hell don't!
posted by shelly at 12/13/2006 10:15:00 AM
3 Comments:
When in bars, yes, sometimes straight women lie and say that they are lesbians. It is the easiest way to have a drunken man hell bent on getting into your pants leave you alone. I cannot speak on behalf of all straight women, but I have never lied and told someone I was a lesbian outside of that setting.
and this helps your situation? in the rare instance that i have been aware that a man is "hell bent" as you say, the news of my sexual orientation has done anything but improve the situation. i am not even lying and it does no good for me. generally just takes an already irritating conversation to a whole new level of inappropriate! but if it works for you, go on with it.
I may need you to explain the whole "ring finger thing" to me.... and I was going to mention that I asked my coworker Eileen about the editing thing and she said to take a course in copy editing and get certified. THAT gives you some measure of legitimate status in a freelance editing world. I can get info. She said the class is offered by correspondence but isn't exactly cheap. I am also not sure if this is rock solid advice... it may be worth checking into... if you NEED to take a specific course???
Also I saw that the Postal Service is hiring. And their advertised pay looked wonderfully high. Perhaps THAT might be the way to go.. It worked for Bukowski, sort of.
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