life lessons of a 30-something barista
soon i will be 31 years old. and i am a part-time barista. it is a great way to spend a few hours a week and a fantastic classroom for the sociologist in me. there are a few things i have learned by being an observant barista...
*the pleasantry of a smile and chipper greeting is often not returned
*people with nametags always act as though they are in a hurry
*those who order while talking on their cell phones also yell their order at the live barista
*it is not immediately obvious to everyone that service providers are human beings
*midwesterners will complain about loud music, but not about loud customers
*many many people believe themselves and their coffee preferences to be memorable
*gas station "cappuccino" machines have created a lot of confusion for people
*no one under the age of 67 will admit to not knowing about espresso drinks. many will drink something that reminds them of skunk spray before admitting that they did not know what they were ordering.
*breve drinks have dropped dramatically in popularity since the untimely death of dr. atkins.
*on a busy afternoon 7 high school students will inevitably enter the store and order 7 smoothies. they will order them one at a time. every time.
*many people get angry when they learn that the barista has not actually tasted all 60 syrup flavors. their anger mounts upon learning that the barista does not like coffee syrups.
*it is difficult to refrain from laughing when a customer believes the flavor syrups to be fancy liqueurs.
*the service sector provides a great opportunity to practice a wide variety of characters/personalities/moods. no one notices.
*a fair number of mature women are not afraid to tell younger women when they ought to be ashamed of themselves. this is usually in reference to low-rise jeans or visible tattoos. it is especially likely when low-rise jeans make visible an otherwise modestly concealed tattoo.
*most women act ashamed when they agree to have whipped cream on their beverage.
*most men act as though it is a stupid question. duh whipped cream.
*children can eat several cupsful of whipped cream and i like to encourage this kind of thing.
*skim-milkers feel very strongly about this preference.
*none of above-named notice when 2% is accidentally substituted.
*most people have to stumble over their more complicated orders (i.e. 16 ounce single shot half-skim half-2% decaf latte with 1/2 shot of sugar-free coconut and 1/2 shot of sugar-free almond steamed to 160 no foam double-cupped.) but they fully expect that their barista should grasp the entire concept in one shot.
*espresso shots have gone from frilly metro status to full participants in machismo culture in less than 5 years.
*people either love shortbread or hate it. there are no fence-riders on this issue.
*it is impossible for human beings to simply state a distaste for something. there must be a nose-scrunching and head-shaking gesture to accompany the words.
*most people are either too polite to complain about anything or too socially inept to know how to do so with grace.
*caffeine addiction is nothing to fuck around with.
*the pleasantry of a smile and chipper greeting is often not returned
*people with nametags always act as though they are in a hurry
*those who order while talking on their cell phones also yell their order at the live barista
*it is not immediately obvious to everyone that service providers are human beings
*midwesterners will complain about loud music, but not about loud customers
*many many people believe themselves and their coffee preferences to be memorable
*gas station "cappuccino" machines have created a lot of confusion for people
*no one under the age of 67 will admit to not knowing about espresso drinks. many will drink something that reminds them of skunk spray before admitting that they did not know what they were ordering.
*breve drinks have dropped dramatically in popularity since the untimely death of dr. atkins.
*on a busy afternoon 7 high school students will inevitably enter the store and order 7 smoothies. they will order them one at a time. every time.
*many people get angry when they learn that the barista has not actually tasted all 60 syrup flavors. their anger mounts upon learning that the barista does not like coffee syrups.
*it is difficult to refrain from laughing when a customer believes the flavor syrups to be fancy liqueurs.
*the service sector provides a great opportunity to practice a wide variety of characters/personalities/moods. no one notices.
*a fair number of mature women are not afraid to tell younger women when they ought to be ashamed of themselves. this is usually in reference to low-rise jeans or visible tattoos. it is especially likely when low-rise jeans make visible an otherwise modestly concealed tattoo.
*most women act ashamed when they agree to have whipped cream on their beverage.
*most men act as though it is a stupid question. duh whipped cream.
*children can eat several cupsful of whipped cream and i like to encourage this kind of thing.
*skim-milkers feel very strongly about this preference.
*none of above-named notice when 2% is accidentally substituted.
*most people have to stumble over their more complicated orders (i.e. 16 ounce single shot half-skim half-2% decaf latte with 1/2 shot of sugar-free coconut and 1/2 shot of sugar-free almond steamed to 160 no foam double-cupped.) but they fully expect that their barista should grasp the entire concept in one shot.
*espresso shots have gone from frilly metro status to full participants in machismo culture in less than 5 years.
*people either love shortbread or hate it. there are no fence-riders on this issue.
*it is impossible for human beings to simply state a distaste for something. there must be a nose-scrunching and head-shaking gesture to accompany the words.
*most people are either too polite to complain about anything or too socially inept to know how to do so with grace.
*caffeine addiction is nothing to fuck around with.
posted by shelly at 4/24/2006 02:53:00 PM
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