secrets

my computer access is quite limited. when i get to a computer with an acceptable connection speed, i frequently follow a fixed routine. i check email, go to my blog to find out if it is a blogging day or not, and check my regular websites. many of them are listed in my sidebar. the one that i consistently visit is post secret. i am quite intrigued by this site and i can't help the voyeuristic draw. i have been observing this site for several months. some of the secrets make me laugh myself off my chair. some of them stun me into silence. in response to some i find discomfort in my understanding. still others make me weary of our society and suspicious of every person i encounter. sadly, one of the most common themes seems to be a deeply rooted desperation that manifests as a passive desire to die. often submissions to post secret suggest that people are spending a significant amount of time fantasizing about dying, imagining different ways to die, wishing for an effortless death, or actively contemplating suicide. the premise to the site is that the secrets revealed are secrets that have been kept from every person the artist knows. i imagine they spend as much energy grinning their way through each day trying to not reveal their innermost yearnings for release. many suggest that everyone around them thinks they live a perfect trouble-free existence. these people have spoken of their morbid thoughts to no one. how sad is that? and who are they? there are a lot of them. i wonder if i would know if one of them was my good friend. i wonder if people who have such persistent painful ponderings would recognize each other upon encounter. how many of the people i interact with, randomly or intentionally, have spent time that day dreaming of their own demise. i wonder if it ever goes away.