randoming
i am all over the place today. i have 50 half-thoughts and not enough focus or commitment to be faithful to any of them. this has become fairly standard for me and for this reason i would like to officially declare “randoming” to be a legitimate verb at second impression. now anyone who knows me at all knows that i generally don’t go in for “verbing nouns” but this one is going to be an exception. as is “verbing” incidentally. since i am declaring its authenticity, i am also going to take the liberty of defining “randoming”. or “to random”.
Random v. : to random: 1. the act of doing many things at the very same time that one is doing nothing at all. 2. the state of thoughtfulness during which fleeting ideas pass nearly undetected. (see entry for: attention deficit disorder) 3. the physical act of spinning or twirling or jutting repeatedly while attempting to decide which task should occur next. 4. verbal spewage lacking content.
there you have it. today i am randoming in four different ways.
i just decided that i am going to add a new sidebar element. even though i know no one ever pays attention to the sidebar. every day i say at least one thing out loud to a stranger that i spend the rest of the day re-playing in my head and battling anxiety that this person now thinks i am the stupidest person alive. today it was the following conversation:
stranger in coffee shop (holding java jacket and smallest size cup) Does this thing fit this size cup? (as she attempts it and the cup slides all the way through)
me: not usually.
“not usually”? am i a moron? the actual size of both objects is fixed. there is no variation in the size of the java jackets or in the size of the 8 ounce cup. this is a clear yes/no type situation. but i said “not usually”. and i said it just as flatly and matter-of-factly as if i were reporting my name or age to someone. “not usually.” thankfully the woman either wasn’t really listening to me or simply had the gracious generosity to pretend to not notice. but what if, based on my answer to her simple question, she had asked me for an example-- a circumstance under which the jacket does fit the cup. what would i have said to her had the exchange lasted any longer? i imagine a lot of crinkled eyebrows and confused mumblings and then: “Are you always this stupid?” ... “Not usually.”
Random v. : to random: 1. the act of doing many things at the very same time that one is doing nothing at all. 2. the state of thoughtfulness during which fleeting ideas pass nearly undetected. (see entry for: attention deficit disorder) 3. the physical act of spinning or twirling or jutting repeatedly while attempting to decide which task should occur next. 4. verbal spewage lacking content.
there you have it. today i am randoming in four different ways.
i just decided that i am going to add a new sidebar element. even though i know no one ever pays attention to the sidebar. every day i say at least one thing out loud to a stranger that i spend the rest of the day re-playing in my head and battling anxiety that this person now thinks i am the stupidest person alive. today it was the following conversation:
stranger in coffee shop (holding java jacket and smallest size cup) Does this thing fit this size cup? (as she attempts it and the cup slides all the way through)
me: not usually.
“not usually”? am i a moron? the actual size of both objects is fixed. there is no variation in the size of the java jackets or in the size of the 8 ounce cup. this is a clear yes/no type situation. but i said “not usually”. and i said it just as flatly and matter-of-factly as if i were reporting my name or age to someone. “not usually.” thankfully the woman either wasn’t really listening to me or simply had the gracious generosity to pretend to not notice. but what if, based on my answer to her simple question, she had asked me for an example-- a circumstance under which the jacket does fit the cup. what would i have said to her had the exchange lasted any longer? i imagine a lot of crinkled eyebrows and confused mumblings and then: “Are you always this stupid?” ... “Not usually.”
posted by shelly at 8/13/2006 02:47:00 PM
1 Comments:
I pay attention to the sidebar. She knew the answer to her question. She is kind of a moron for asking it. She should have tried and realized it didn't fit. A better question would have been after trying it and failing, "Do you have one that fits the small size?" See...she is the moron.
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